As a toy photographer, reviewer, and collector, there are certain difficulties that come with the adventure. One of the most frustrating of these little issues has to be retailer exclusives. For the most part, finding something that you want is relatively hassle-free. But every once in a while, the great gods of the toy-hunt will test you. Such was my experience with this GI JOE Classified Crystal Ball figure.
The original Crystal Ball debuted in 1987 in the Real American Hero line. The story goes that Crystal Ball was the invention of author Stephen King and his son Owen, and the classic file card for the Cobra Master of Hypnosis has some fun connections to Owen King’s life. One of the great ironies is that among fans of the original GI JOE line, Crystal Ball is evidently pretty despised.
When we were kids, I remember that my brother had Crystal Ball as one of his figures. I was always a little envious, especially as I was just starting to discover classic horror movies, and Crystal Ball originally bore a resemblance to Vincent Price. I also have always had a special place in my heart for the assorted Cobra weirdos, and Crystal Ball definitely fits nicely in this category.
So, when I heard that the Classified line was doing a version of Crystal Ball, I knew I wanted to get my hands on one. There was just one problem. Crystal Ball was going to be a Walmart exclusive. Now, here in the Bay Area, California, there are a few Walmarts around, but they are few and far between. Still, your boy here loves a good toy hunt, so off I went, to check out every Walmart in a thirty mile radius.
The experience was far from pleasant.
What was worse was that this continued for about three months. Online ordering was no help, as the one time I managed to place an order, it was canceled less than an hour later. Suffice it to say, my relationship with Walmart is now officially…complicated. (editor’s note: Welcome to the hell of MEGO collectors.)
Eventually, I succumbed to the toy lust and impatience and found our creepy little guy on eBay. Now, here he is, in all his glory. Join us on a delightfully macabre adventure as Pulp Arcana Studios reviews GI JOE Classified’s Crystal Ball.
A PULP ARCANA FIGURE FIELD REPORT Mission Brief:
Artifact Identified:
Crystal Ball
GI JOE Classified
Hasbro
OUT OF THE CRATE:
There have been a few variations of GI JOE Classified packaging, but I think I prefer this current iteration. The clear window on the front allows a full view of the figure, plus accessories, and, considering that Classified figures are some of the few that I will often purchase off a store shelf, I appreciate being able to see exactly what I am getting.
One bit of strangeness that seems to persist with GI JOE Classified packaging is that there are QR codes on the boxes that seem like they will lead to some sort of dossier or someplace that will translate the cryptic insignia and markings on the side of each package. I have never got one to go anywhere but shop.hasbro.com, and I can’t help feel this is such a missed opportunity. And the fact that this has evidently been going on for the duration of the line is a little disappointing.
THE DEVIL’S IN THE DETAILS:
Out of the package, Crystal Ball looks absolutely fantastic. The Classified team has taken one of the most reviled figures of the Real American Hero line from the 80’s and made him into something genuinely sinister. The overall impression of the figure is far from goofy. There is a long coat, swept back at the hip, giving an almost gunslinger vibe, that is accentuated even further by the six gun holstered at his hip. The fur lining at the collar adds a great bit of texture, and a pop of white against the brown of the coat. It gives the figure a great sense of presence.
The portrait is excellent. That hint of homage to Vincent Price that was so prevalent in the original figure is still there, but there is a malice and aspect of evil to the face now. The teeth look sharp like a mouth full of fangs and the eyes look predatory and inhuman. It is an effect that is both subtle and unnerving, and gives such great villain vibes.
There is a richness of detail on the figure that kept delighting me with every new discovery. From the tattoos on the bare upper arms to the asymmetrical bracers on the wrists. Even the belt buckle has a sort of occult symbol that leans into the new direction they have gone with this character.
That new direction is fully on display with the accessories. Crystal Ball has evolved from a mesmerizing hypnotist to a master of the occult and psychological warfare. He makes use of D.I.R.E tech (Dread Inducing Response Energy) to create horrific projections and we see this in the absolutely incredible, Lovecraftian monster alternate head that comes with the figure. As good as the actual portrait is, I may actually prefer this look. The translucent green just pops against the brown of the figure, and the horns and tentacles of the head add such a great dynamic to the figure.
Beyond the secondary head, Crystal Ball comes with a flaming scimitar-style sword in the same translucent green, a round shield that pays homage to his original accessory from the 80’s figure, with an added translucent green insert, and a nicely detailed western style revolver. And of course, Crystal Ball would not be complete without a…crystal ball. These accessories don’t feel extraneous, but instead all combine to elevate the figure to something great.
MOBILITY AND MANEUVERS:
I’m always surprised that more people are not talking about the articulation of a GI JOE classified figure. I find them to be some of the best articulated mainline figures from a major company. Crystal Ball is no exception.
Pinless joints at the arms and legs are standard on the Classified line, and with a figure with an aesthetic like Crystal Ball’s, this is even more appreciated. The elbows and knees are double jointed, and both have a swivel at the upper part of the limb. The end result is a figure that gives an excellent amount of articulation while still maintaining the aesthetic.
Crystal Ball gives you the flexibility you desire in a figure absolutely designed for pulp adventure, and I had no problem getting him into poses that captured the mystery and menace that the figure demands.
RECOVERED EVIDENCE:
FINAL RECKONING:
While tracking down this figure was a right royal pain the rump, having him in hand, I can say it was worth it. For someone like me, who loves pulp adventure, he is a note-perfect villain and looks great on a shelf and even better in photos.
RELIC RATING: 5 out of 5
A figure that ended up being worth both the wait and the hassle, Crystal Ball is spectacular upgrade to an iconic bit of 1980’s GI JOE weirdness. It takes the silly and makes it downright creepy and I love it for that. And it is a joy to photograph!
Filed by Mark Gelineau of Pulp Arcana Studios for Fanboy Planet
Ever since the day he discovered his grandfather's stack of pulps, comics, and sci-fi and fantasy novels, Mark has been hooked. An author, educator, and toy photographer, Mark's photography work can be found on Instagram at @pulp_arcana_studios
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